I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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