I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
