come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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