I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
