dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
