I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
