This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Pants are for mortals
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
