just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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