Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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