Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
