Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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