There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
