i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
