it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
