from now on my penis is your penis
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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