I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
