She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So here I am, sexting at work.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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