so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
