So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
