I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
love makes seman taste better
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize