You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
