Porn is love you can see.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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