Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
