i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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