Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
