I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
