fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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