he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
