You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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