my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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