just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
