Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
