Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
