Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My ass is underappreciated
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
