You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
