I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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