Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dick very happy bro
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
