just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
