Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
