i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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