I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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