Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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