if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
