Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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