once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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