I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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