Have you finally orgasmed yet?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize