I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
