Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
