Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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