we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
