She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
