Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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