grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
