really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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