I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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