Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize