Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
