How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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