im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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