I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
