census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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