Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize