Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
