Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Randomize
