I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
