my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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