so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
