i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
