I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize