Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
