and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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