it was like his penis was on wheels.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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