I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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