she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
