Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
